Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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