i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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