left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am naked and annoyed.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
