Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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