the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
