Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
