For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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