THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
