3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
two words: eviction party
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
