well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
