Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
