): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
