The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
