Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
