So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize