I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
