Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
