My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
