did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She told me I should be a condom model.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
