i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Congratulations! We have a period
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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