They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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