i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
