Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
