I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
