don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
