I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That accounts for only three of the penises
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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