Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
