Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize