New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
