then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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