Too much gin, very little bucket
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
