Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
