Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
