It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize