Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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