did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
