she woke up with a sticky ear
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
