A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
