are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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