i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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