your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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