He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
