wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
