mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
