When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize