i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
