Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pants are for mortals
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
