Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
