Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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