she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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