Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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