Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
