apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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