i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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