Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
kristin has been a bad kristin
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
