i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
