I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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