Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
