I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
