we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
