all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
