I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
