So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
