some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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