U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
