it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
