I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Couch. On fire.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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