Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
