He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
