Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
