My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
