Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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