I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
