i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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